= Alpam Chirikkam =

ellarum chiri nirthiyo ??????????


onnu chirikku...... pls.......


Customer : Waiter, do you serve pigs?

Waiter : Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

BOSS, to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death?

EMPLOYEE: "Certainly not! There’s no proof of it", he replied.

BOSS: "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to youruncle’s funeral, he came here looking for you.!"

NJAN OTHIRI OTHIRI CHIRICHU KATHU

Doctor to patient : You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?

Patient : Yes. A good doctor.






innu 4 ennam mathi... shesham pinnale...

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?

Santa: Tipu's skeleton.

Tourist: Whose that smaller skeleton next to it?

Santa: That was Tipu's skeleton when he was child

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.


The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

At the scene of an accident a man was crying:
O God! I have lost my hand, oh!

Santa: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man.
He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.
He got irritated... drank poison & said,

Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge

Banta: U cheated me.

Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.

Banta: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says
This is all India Radio!

In Tamilnadu , there is a well known person by name, Mr. Jeppier , Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing colleges, always speaks in English. That college students have collected & published a book by name "Jappier's Spoken English" Njoy with his English....

Now, here are some classic English sentences from the great "Jappier's Spoken English"

At the ground:
------------ -----
All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her....{Means: girl with specs please come here).

To a boy , angrily:
------------ ---------
I talk , he talk , why you middle middle talk?

While punishing students:
------------ --------- --
You , rotate the ground four times...
You , go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO ......(?)

While addressing students about Dress Code: (he is very strict abt this )
------------ --------- --
Every body should wear dress to college Boys no proplum Girls are pig proplum. (pig=big) Girls should wear only slawar no nitee.
Girls should not wear T sirt , U shirt, V shirt.. but if you want to wear ..... remove it when inside the campus and put it out side the campus


Sir at his best:
------------- ---
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance, he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre, though the boy did no t see them. So the next day at s school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"


Sir at his best inside the Class room:
------ --------- --------- --------- -------
Open the doors of the window.. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet , boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor You , meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today...

Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....

Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...

Once Sir had come late to a college function , by the time he reached, the function had begun, so he went to the dais , and said , sorry I am late, because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).

At Sathyabama college day 2002:

"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks, I the happy, tomorrow u get good job, jpr the happy, tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"


At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:

"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "


VERY IMPORTANT:
Enjoy this English, but don't forget your English!

English Translation & Malayalam Meaning

Life licked by stray dog. = (Jeevitham nayanakki)

Whitening applied becomes scars. = (Velukkan thechathu pandayi)

When talking, hear. When given, eat.
(Paraymbol kelkkanam.tharumbol thinnanam)

Give elephant, but not hope. = (Aana koduthalum aasha kodukaruthu)

If Crow bath, become crane ?? = (Kaaka kulichal kokk aagumo??)

If needed jackfruit on root grow. = (Venamengil chakka verilum kaayikkum)

Snake on fence on shoulder don't put.
(Veliyil kidanna paambine eduthu tholil idaruthu)

Onam come or Baby born, porridge for Koran still in leaf.
(Onam vannaalum Unni pirannaalum, Koranu Kanji Kumbilil thanne)

Own baby, for crow, golden baby. = (Kaakkakku Than Kunju Ponkunju)

For Market fail Mother's back. = (Angaadiyil thottathinu Ammayude purathu)

Silent Cat Breaks Pot. = (Mindaa Poocha Kalam Udakkum)

Sand leaning man took girl. = (Mannum Chaari Ninnavan Pennum Kondupoyi)

Worm if put on mattress goes to garbage.
(Attaye pidichu Methayil Kidathiyaalum Athu pokum Kuppa kuzhiyil)

Miser holds umbrella at midnight. = (Alpan Ardha Raathriyilum koda Pidikkum)

Foot wrong elephant will also fall. = (Adi thettiyaal aaneyum veezhum)

Friend of Eeenaampechi is TreeDog. = (Eeenaampechi-kku kootu marapatti)

In desert one Tree green. = (Marubhumiyil oru marupacha)

Sitting to moan, dog's head, coconut fell.
(Moangan irunna naayudey thalayil thenga veenu)

Many drops big water. = (Palathulli peruvellam)

Crane, how many ponds see?? = (Kokkethra kulam kandirikkunnu)

Don't want, don't want thinking, climbing on the head & jumping.
(Venda,venda ennu vicharikkumbo thalayil keri chaadunnu)

Stick gave, beating got. = (Vadi koduthu adi vaangi)

No Grass will walk here. = (Ividae Oru pullum nadakkilla)

Don't spit, understanding people will suffer.
(thupparuthu , thaazhae nikkunnavar anubhavikkum)


A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A WASTED DAY !